" The trial results register that I ’m not the female parent but my married man is still the father . "
Onthis threadin the “Am I the Asshole” subreddit, this woman is divorcing her husband and giving up parental rights after finding out their child isn’t hers biologically. Here’s what went down:
“I (36F) have been with my husband (35M) for a total of almost ten years, married for seven. We had what I thought was my child by surrogate over two years ago, because after four years of trying to conceive with no success despite medical interventions, it turns out I am unable to carry a child to term.”
“I had always wanted to be a mum. Devastated is an understatement regarding how I felt when I found out I have a medical condition that would make it nearly impossible to carry a baby to term. It was even more upsetting when I had to get a major surgery to remove uterine growths with the hope to increase fertility, and complications during surgery warranted a partial hysterectomy involving removal of my uterus only.”
“I still had my ovaries so we started looking into cost of a surrogate. It is really expensive! My close friend since college who’d already had two kids of her own offered to serve as the surrogate for us to cut down on costs.”
“After two disappointing IVF sessions that did not result in pregnancy, she became pregnant on the third try and carried a boy to term for us. I was so happy and busy after the birth, between being a mum and returning to work after a four week parental leave, that I didn’t notice any warning signs.”
“I should have noticed the red flags and warning signs early on but did not because I was so exhausted from working so much at my stressful job and two part-time jobs to cover most of the bills and anticipated medical and legal costs associated with this friend becoming our surrogate. (I was the primary breadwinner).”
“My friend and my husband started talking more and I would sometimes come home from my weekend job to find her already hanging out at our house when my husband was there. I chalked it up as innocuous and it’s good for her to know my husband better since she was in the process of hopefully carrying our child for us. I was grateful to have someone helping us have a child.”
“I also thought it weird that our son has brown eyes when both of us have blue. Then I found out that while this is uncommon, it’s possible sometimes due to many genes controlling eye color.”
“Recently, it all came to a head when I took our son to a doctor’s appointment and they did metabolic panel and blood tests which showed that he had a blood type that is not biologically possible to have with me as his mother. (He’s B+, I’m A+, husband is O+). Immediately I started worrying it was the fertility clinic’s fault and that they’d messed up and implanted a wrong embryo.”
“I started lining up lawyer consultations to possibly sue the clinic and looked into having a DNA parentage test done.”
“The test results showed that I’m not the mother but my husband is still the father. I was heartbroken and angrier than ever, talked to lawyers about medical malpractice in the fertility clinic we’d used.”
“Then my husband confessed that he’d slept with my friend (our surrogate) on a few different occasions during our struggle to have her get pregnant with our embryos. This means what I thought was our son conceived by IVF and carried with a surrogate, isn’t my son at all and was in fact conceived the old fashioned way, which I can’t ever do.”
“Livid and absolutely broken at the same time doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel! I have been breaking down into crying spells over and over again about this. He claims he didn’t ever think pregnancy could result because he pulled out and he had always assumed that he was the reason for our earlier struggles to conceive, both before my hysterectomy and during the IVF insemination process with this friend.”
“I felt an immediate triple betrayal: from what was supposed to be my husband, my friend, and now knowing my child isn’t even really mine. I had such white hot rage and delirium, I immediately left home and stayed at a hotel for almost a week before asking my parents to let me stay at home for a while. I admit I left our son with him.”
“I am now filing divorce because he cheated and betrayed me in the worst possible way. I have also cut off my friendship with my ‘friend’ the ‘surrogate’ and feel afraid to trust anyone else now. I have seen a divorce lawyer about giving up my legal rights to this kid so I don’t have to face such betrayal or owe child support.”
“My husband and ‘friend/surrogate’ admit they were wrong and keep apologising but also called me immature and heartless to just give up on my son like that. My parents also say I can’t just give up on a kid that I went through so many legal and medical hoops to have.”
“When I told them I refuse to stay in a cheater marriage and I’d rather adopt someday with a better more trustworthy partner, they also told me I was wrong and that maintaining my parental rights isn’t much different than if I adopted outright. They said it isn’t blood that makes a family. They are all about me divorcing my cheater husband but keep telling me I’m making a mistake giving up my parental rights.”
“Some of my other friends agree with what I’m doing, a few admitted they weren’t big enough to swallow pride and care for an ‘affair baby’ or to see daily reminders of my ‘friend/surrogates’ betrayal every time Iook at ‘her’ son. I just want a clean break and a fresh start. I’m also looking at relocating several states away.”
“AITA for wanting to give up my parental rights in the divorce because a kid I paid a lot of money to have born by surrogacy isn’t biologically mine at all, but the surrogate’s?”
Of course, people had a lot to say…
Most users think that OP (original poster) isnotthe A-hole:
" NTA . Did you form a contract for the surrogacy ? Because you may sue them for a scam ! Also , for aroused damage I reckon your parents are n’t remember about YOU and your well being . "
u / Low_Peanut_9095
" NTA . One of the thing that gets me is that you were work extra jobs to bear for the surrogacy which I am assuming admit her aesculapian bills and financially supporting her ? I would speak to a solicitor about suing her for your money back . She knew that if she was have sex activity then there was always a chance that the minor was biologically hers . "
u / chez2202
" He cheated … It ’s not yours . I will absolutely tell you what I distinguish men post this . It would be rattling if you bang the kid enough to stay but if your in shock and damaged to much to do so you are n’t the A - hollow for walking away . NTA … and I glad to see most of the response so far fit in . I desire we keep this energy up for anyone put in this touch from now on . "
u / Odd_Welcome7940
And then there are some who think OP is the A-hole:
" YTA . This fry knows nothing about genes , only that you ’ve been his mother . It sucks that your married man and friend betrayed you in this way . forsake this shaver is roughshod to him when he ’s done nothing wrong . "
u / therandolorian
" Daaaang it take a while to see YTA . ( bear post was existent ) I have a two - yr - sure-enough and the injury it would cause him if I decide I did n’t want to be his momma anymore . Also how could you not be confiscate to your two - year - honest-to-god ? "
u / hpalatini
observe : All entry have been blue-pencil for length and/or clarity .
