" I told him I have made many contingency architectural plan over the years to derogate the risk of infection of being a woman of the house and compensate for my want of pension and benefit I ’d have had had I not leave the project force out . "
If you’ve been online lately, I’m sure you’ve noticed the ever-growingTrad Wifemovement. It focuses on a return to “traditional” gender roles and views wives as mothers and homemakers. However, there has been much debate about how these traditional wives would support themselves if they were to get divorced or if something happened to their husbands.
So during a family lunch, RedditorHuge_Association_249, a housewife and stay-at-home-mom, revealed the simple way she has kept track of her domestic contributions, and the men in her family were NOT having it. Here’s the wholestory:
“I’m a woman in my late 50s, married to my husband, early 60s. We’ve been married for 30-odd years. I have fulfilled the role of a ‘traditional’ wife for much of our marriage, and I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business, and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now.”
" My husband build his business from the ground up , and I was instrumental to the early success , which set it up to be what it is today . We were having luncheon with our children when my Word note that his wife did n’t desire to be [ a ] ' trad married woman ' and do what I did to raise the kids . She raised concern about how vulnerable a place it is and that she does n’t want to depend exclusively on him for money . He wanted me to talk to her and win over her by telling her how it worked out for me . "
“I said I understood where she was coming from, and being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable, especially if he leaves her and she’s been out of the labor force for a while. He countered that it had worked for his father and me because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me, and why couldn’t his wife do the same?”
" I narrate him I have a meticulous phonograph record of all contributions I have ever made to the family business — recently digitize with the aid of my daughter — so that if the regretful ever fall out , I would n’t be bank on the mercifulness of a man to feed myself . I distinguish him I have made many eventuality plans over the yr to minimize the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits I ’d have had had I not entrust the labor movement military group . "
“This angered my son and husband. Both said it showed a lack of trust, and my husband especially feels I’ve had ‘one foot out the door’ our entire marriage and that my ‘little escape plan’ included plans to ‘shaft him of his business.'”
" I told him the fact that he refers to it as ' his ' business rather than ' ours ' is exactly why I kept those record and why I wo n’t be severalize my girl - in - natural law to do what she does n’t want to do .
Am I the asshole ? "
The commenters agreed that the OP (original poster) was not the A-hole for simply making plans for her own future and financial well-being.
“Not the asshole,“fancyandfabagreed, “and I hope you talk to your daughter-in-law privately. She is very wise not to put herself at the mercy of your son.”
" Many SAHMs are talk out about how , after decade of corporate trust and unpaid parturiency and multiple kid , their ex - husband just divorced them . They were bankrupt financially . It ’s great to be a SAHM if both cooperator want it , but a man should never force it on his future wife . If I were girl - in - law , I would melt down . Their value do not align . He will make her lifespan miserable . "
GladUnderstanding756revealed , " I am this adult female — I trusted my ex . I raise our children as a SAHM . After 25 year of contend under financial control , we divorced . My subroutine library science are outdated , my employment chronicle is no longer relevant , and I ’m financially struggling . I had the firm , the retreat account , the cars , and now I ’ve got nothing .
OP , you arenot the arsehole , you ’re savvy to written document , text file , papers . Your Logos needs to get his forefront out of the gumption and abide his married woman in her vocation . "
“This happened to my aunt,“OddRaspberry3added, “My former uncle made her quit her job to stay at home with my cousins. About 6-7 years ago, his affairs came to light, and he left my aunt after she’d had a stroke that left her physically disabled. So besides being out of work for 30 years, she physically couldn’t get a job.”
Some commenters even pointed out that the OP’s husband specifically mentioned that the business she helped build was ‘HIS’ business.”
" Not the asshole — OP , you are doing great , and yes , with that kind of thinking of ' HIS ' occupation , you know you are not in the wrong here , " saidHandbag_Lady
Shadow-foxeagreed, “Not the asshole — they’ve never had to think about life this way, so they have no idea what really goes on. Why aren’t you co-owner of the business? If he really thinks that you were part of it, then why wouldn’t he have made that happen?”
And a lot of commenters agreed that this was a whole other level of devotion on OP’s part:
GorillaP1mppointed out , " Not the asshole . There is perfectly no cause to be upset at you for lucid planning in case of an emergency . independency is decisive for both partner ; there ’s nothing to justify for . Your married man and son should take a pulse and see it from the linear perspective that you ’ve stayed because you bonk them , not because you ’re trapped . That says a draw about your character and devotion to the family . in effect luck ! "
LayaElisabethsuggested, “Not the asshole. But do talk to your husband and explain this; while some women stay in a marriage (even if it’s loveless or even abusive) because they’re trapped, you indeed had other options and CHOSE to stay in your marriage and with him.”
And everyone was in agreement that both OP’s husband and son were, indeed, the A-holes:
“Not the asshole. I love how your husband is offended and saying you’ve had one foot out the door for your entire marriage. And yet, in over 30 years of marriage, he never felt anything was wrong or noticed any of the contingencies you put into place.”
indigoorchid0611continued , " evidence him to get over himself . You did what woman have been doing for centuries : insure her surety and that of her kids . Your husband must have been doing OK since you did n’t feel the pauperization to implement any of your plans . Now your boy needs a swift gripe to dislodge his head from his ass . There is ZERO ground for him to blackmail his spouse to be a SAHW when she does n’t want it other than he wants to be a lazy better half who thinks he merit a medal only because he makes the money and desire her to take upkeep of everything else , including him . Nope . Hope he likes being single . "
