" Now the whole section knows that I decline to give condolence money , and some people have been wait at me disapprovingly . "
It’s never easy when a loved one dies. And work problems are the last thing anyone wants to deal with while grieving.
Well, a little while ago, Reddit useru/1007pineapples(who I’ll call Pine)postedin the Am I The Asshole subreddit. After their grandma died, they didn’t receive “condolence money” like employees usually do, and it caused drama at work. Here’s the full story:
“There is a practice in my workplace that if someone passes away, be it our colleagues or their relatives, HR will pass around envelopes for us to put money in. ‘Condolence money,’ they call it. They are a way for us to send our prayers, and the money would be for the family of the deceased. I have always put some money into the envelopes, from $10 to $100, depending on how close I am to the affected colleague.”
When Pine’s grandmother passed away during the height of the pandemic, they couldn’t travel to their parents' home country and attend the funeral because one of their family members is high risk. Pine told HR about their grandma’s death, but their workplace required a death certificate to grant compassionate leave. So, Pine just used annual leave to mourn at home with their family.
“HR did not arrange a collection of condolence money for my grandmother, after the many times of me offering up mine for my colleagues' deceased family members. I know they need a death certificate as proof, but it would be very inappropriate for me to ask my extended family for her death certificate.”
Well, HR announced that a colleague’s family member died and handed out envelopes for condolence money. This didn’t sit well with Pine, and they chose not to contribute. When HR asked why, they explained “how unfair” it felt that they always donate to others, but no one donated to them when their grandmother passed away.
“I got told about how it was not their fault that I could not provide the death certificate, and that the money was supposed to be a form of prayer, not exchange. In the end, I stood firm, saying I will not give any money. Now the whole department knows that I refused to give condolence money, and some people have been looking at me disapprovingly. AITA for not giving any money?”
As you can imagine, there were a ton of responses for this one. Many people thought Pine was not the A-hole:
" NTA . Why does the whole section know ? Is n’t there a confidentiality clause at your work ? I remember this is bullying if it carry on beyond one incident . "
— u / MinkeeMonkey
" Your work sound seriously unelaborated . No one should be made cognisant of who has donate and who has not done so . No one should ever be pressured to give , as people may be in strained financial circumstances . No one should be guilt trip - tripped for not return or not return ' enough . ' And ' form of supplicant ? ' WTF . religious belief should not be practiced in your workplace . AT ALL .
Proof should not be required for coworkers to show pity and generousness . You are NTA for not donating . Your work is TA for shaming you for not donate . "
— u / cat - lover76
Others thought everyone sucks here:
" ESH . send money just seems kind of crass . How much money would one normally get anyway ? I ca n’t conceive of it touching funeral expenses . I guess it ’s a crappy practice to begin with . But I also think that you ’re wait an elision to the pattern everyone else has to follow , and that is also not great . And now you ’re following it up with pettiness ? Ca n’t ideate that ’s go to go over well in the long rivulet with your workplace , as you are now interpret . "
— atomic number 92 / Issyswe
" ESH , you more than 60 minutes . They should n’t have confronted you about not donating , as that is unprofessional . But you clear have no problem with the exercise itself as you have contributed in the yesteryear and would have accepted the money if given to you . So you ’re resist to donate out of pettiness , not principle , which nominate you the openhanded A - hole . "
— u / RohanWarden
But many thought Pine was the A-hole:
" YTA . They needed trial impression of a death , which you did not provide . Now you act bitter because a colleague could really supply a end credentials . She was your grandmother ; why did n’t you need a parent or someone and mention that work required it ? The whole money thing sounds gaudy anyway and is probably the reason why most company just post flower as condolences . Anyone could claim a family member had perish and require money ; the expiry certification is to verify no one is doing anything dodgy . "
— atomic number 92 / Evilmushys666
" lightly , YTA . 60 minutes had no proof of a dying in your family ; you could have provided this and opted not to . If you never impart to these affair because of your own beliefs , I ’d say NTA , but it ’s unmortgaged this is because you ’re angry 60 minutes did n’t get you anything .
It ’s not out or keeping to require for a death certificate ; my work always asks for a written matter if a person is to take compassionate leave . You chose to use yearly leave-taking instead . Where I am , a business must be careful with money collection in grammatical case of fraud . So without validation of a death in the family , it could have been quite risky for them to collect money for you . "
— u / happybanana134
observe : response were redact for length and/or uncloudedness .
