" That ’s amazing , " one commenter indite . " It ’s a great alternative so she is still part of the party and also secure . I eff the idea . Thank you . "
In avideoreaching over 1 million viewers,Leann, a 35-year-old mom from Indiana, discussed how she navigated her 6-year-old daughter receiving her first invitation to a sleepover as a parent who isn’t comfortable with her child attending.
In the video, Leann says that she “got a message with the birthday invitation saying it was going to be a sleepover,” and “immediately knew that [her] daughter would not be allowed to do that.”
How do you deal sleepover in your home ? ( I ’m not here to judge your decision)#sleepovers#slumberparty#kdgmom#momtok#momlife#girlmom#birthdayparty#fun#nosleepovers
Leann told BuzzFeed that the biggest influence on her decision not to allow her children to attend sleepovers was “working in public education as a teacher and school administrator.”
She was " shocked to listen some of the horrendous experience fry had at sleepovers due to the hands or negligence of the adult or other children in their presence . " When her daughter received the invitation , she had to " seriously valuate " her " comfort level with her attendance at that fourth dimension . " She considered her daughter ’s " aroused maturity date and did not think she was ready . " In the picture , she also mentioned that she was n’t singling out the other parent ; the answer would have been " no , " no matter who the invitation had come from .
Leann responded to the parents hosting the sleepover by telling them, “my daughter would love to celebrate your child’s birthday, but she’s not able to do sleepovers.”
As an alternative, Leann says in the video that she told the other parents: “I could bring her over evening time of the party, and I’ll come pick her up for sleeping at home — and I can bring her back in the morning if you’re planning on doing any activities in the morning.” And, she said, “the other parent was super sweet about it,” sharing their plans for the party’s events.
Then, Leann explained the situation to her daughter by telling her, “you’re going to go to your friend’s house to celebrate her birthday, but then at the end of the evening, some friends are gonna stay the night and sleep there, and some friends are gonna go home and sleep in their own bed. And you’re gonna be one of those friends who goes home and sleeps in her own bed. But you’re gonna get to go back in the morning and partake in all the fun stuff they do in the morning, too.”
In the video, Leann mentions that she “thought this was easier said than done,” because she “had a feeling it was gonna be really difficult” to get her daughter to leave if she was having fun at the party. But “she left and she was in a really good mood because she had had so much fun.”
She closes the video by saying, “It’s easy as parents to say ‘absolutely no sleepovers,'” but “I found this time that taking my child in the evening, picking her up, taking her back in the morning has been a really easy process, and I’m glad it’s the decision I made for now.”
The video resonated with other moms who weren’t quite sure how to navigate saying “no” to having their child stay the night at a sleepover, but still wanted to allow their child to join in on the fun. “The idea for taking her back in the morning is so good!” one commenter wrote. “Her being upset about missing the fun of the morning after would make things extra hard.”
Leann’s adaptation provided an option that allowed her daughter to attend the party with friends while still setting boundaries. “That’s amazing. It’s a great alternative so she is still part of the party and also safe. I love the idea. Thank you.”
Some commenters disagreed with Leann’s limitations, saying, “It’s important to balance safety with independence and kids. But their independence will serve them so much better than their safety ever will.”
Leann told BuzzFeed that her “biggest concern about sleepovers is that something irreparable will happen to my child, either physically or mentally.” She “attended many sleepovers as a child with little to no restrictions by my parents,” and said she was “lucky enough not to have had a particularly bad experience” that influenced her decision.
Phyllis Fagell, a school counselor and author ofMiddle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond — and How Parents Can Help, thinks boundaries are just as important as independence. Fagell toldUSA Today, “There’s a fine line between raising kids who understand things like good touch, bad touch, when to heed their spidey sense that something isn’t safe, how to call home for help, when to extricate themselves from a bad situation and…raising kids who are afraid to go out in the world.”
Fagell says it ’s crucial to " make certain nestling are alert , aware of their surroundings , that they ’re heeding the signs inside their body , that they ’re able to make expert , secure , healthy decisions for themselves , but that they ’re not afraid to put themselves out there to contact new citizenry , to take risks , to try new things . "
If a parent decides not to allow their child to attend sleepovers, Fagell suggests validating the child’s feelings. “Validating doesn’t mean that you agree that they should get their way,” Fagell said. “It just means that you understand, and you empathize.” Fagell also says that “sleepunders” (staying at a friend’s home late but eventually going home to sleep) are a practical option to meet your child’s needs.
Fagell also say that children whose friend are not grant to participate in sleepover should be encouraged to practice acceptance and empathy . " One elbow room that parents can teach their nipper to embrace differences and to be a good ally is to assist their child interpret that not everyone has the same cultural experience . Not everybody view sleepovers the same way . That does n’t make that match less than . It ’s an chance to really look for ways that you could admit them , to keep them a part of the group , to not have them feeling leave out . "
As her daughter gets older, Leann will continue to evaluate sleepover invitations.
She said , " It will count on the maturity date of my children but also on the friends they ’re asking to quell with . A ' yes ' for outride with one friend will not be the beginning of a green light for all sleepover . I will always want to know the parents , sibling , and other friends who will be staying overnight along with my tyke . "
She also told BuzzFeed, “My main consideration when determining when is right for my children to attend sleepovers is their emotional maturity.”
Leann say she ’ll " consider thing such as : will they feel easy telling an adult if they require to come home ahead of time ( even if it ’s in the middle of the Nox ) , will they be sure-footed enough to tell someone ' no ' if someone is touch them or doing something that is unfitting , will they even understand that what is happening to them is wrong and they should differentiate me about it ( meaning will they be capable to acknowledge coercion such as , ' I just take to check this to make certain you ’re okay . It ’s for your health . ' ) "
Leann says she does “think it is important for children to have levels of independence” before “entering the ‘real world.'” She says she “will need to trust my child and my parenting to prepare them to make the best decisions,” but knows that “there will be growing pains and not every experience will go as smoothly as the one referenced in my video but we’ll take on each situation as it comes our way and will work through it as a family.”
If you ’d like to keep up with Leann , you’re able to come her onTikTok .
