" I now go in consummate and utter obscenity . "
Onthis threadin the “Am I the Asshole” subreddit, this woman wants to know if she’s in the wrong for telling her husband she wants a divorce because he refuses to clean up his mess. Here’s what went down:
“I’m at my wits end. Everything changed after marriage and I couldn’t tell you why. Our biggest problem is cleaning. My husband used to clean up after himself but after marriage he just completely stopped with no warning. We were dating for three years, engaged for one, and now freshly married. We’re 28 and 29.”
“After we got married my husband stopped cleaning. He wouldn’t pick up after himself, wouldn’t do his agreed upon chores and suddenly became a slob. It was like he’s been intentionally dirtying things up. I stopped doing all of my housework out of protest a month into our marriage and I now live in complete and utter filth.”
“I’m rarely home due to the mess. I live part-time with my sister at this point and he doesn’t even care. I come home only to sleep at night and sometimes I don’t even come home at all. It’s like we aren’t even married anymore and it’s draining my mental health to the point where I’ve had multiple breakdowns this month.”
“I’m completely over it. I wanted to get married but this is not the man I married. I would much rather be home where I belong, but I’m not a maid.”
“The mess is as follows: wet food in the sink from him throwing his plate (finished or not) in there, bugs, garbage littered everywhere, puddles of mystery substances, the trash is never taken out, all of his laundry is dirty, clothes unfolded, crumbs galore, takeout everywhere since he won’t cook, dishes piled to the skies. I can guarantee you there’s more but I can’t describe it right.”
“It’s like he’s a toddler. It’s exactly like mummy isn’t cleaning up so he’s tornadoing through our house and not caring. Before he would scrape his plate, rinse it, then leave it. He would take the trash outside and take the cans to the curb, he’d sweep, vacuum, occasionally do laundry and he would never eat in the bed.”
“A few hours ago I told him that if he doesn’t clean up tonight then I’m divorcing him tomorrow. I said if I don’t see some progress on the house then we’re over.”
“He told me that I’m being an asshole for no reason and that cleaning is no longer his job. I nearly popped a blood vessel. We did not decide on that. He’s telling me that I’m throwing everything away over pride and that all new marriages go through this transition.”
“He told his mum and she called me not too long ago and told me that I need to calm down and reconcile. I really love my mother-in-law and she’s one of the most level-headed people I know, hence the reason I’m writing this post. She’s making me wonder if divorce is too far because it’s only mess, but itisa mess.”
“She told me that we can reach a compromise, need to take a breather and talk about it all, but I truthfully do not want to. She reminded me of our good times and that life won’t always be the way it is now, but I’m feeling incredibly skeptical. I cannot stand filth and I can’t live like this even if it’s for him. AITA?”
Of course, people had a lot to say…
Most users thought that OP (original poster) wasnotthe A-hole:
" NTA , Your husband ’s behaviour is completely impossible . It ’s one thing to have different cleanup criterion , but it ’s another completely to actively refuse to contribute to a share aliveness quad . The level of grime you ’re delineate is not just messy ; it ’s unsanitary and awless . "
u / BabyyyyCute
" The part where he says he does n’t have to pick now that he ’s matrimonial is specially bothersome . He truly believes this and will never change . "
u / EDJardin
" He was on his best , fake behaviour until he trapped you in union then he let his dependable self fare out . You are now married to the real person he always was . Everything that occur before was a prevarication .
He has shown you who he really is . think him . You are not throwing everything forth over pride . He ’s a nasty toddler and that is not what you expected to get hitched with . It is NOT ' only a flock ' . Do not trust you mother - in - law She was probably happy to be disembarrass of him . Again , BELIEVE HIM . You ’re seeing the REAL him .
disjoint him . Your lifetime will not convert or get better . His gossip made that perfectly clear-cut . Do n’t waste any more of your prison term . You are entirely NTA . "
u / JanetInSpain
" The ' no longer his job ' argumentation made me want to force back you to the lawyer ’s office to start the divorce . "
u / Zealousideal_Mood118
Others thought OP was the A-hole:
" YTA . For proficient for uncollectible . Hire someone to clean and make him ante up . Everyone wants to get divorces over things that can be remedied . I ’m so tired of reading these posts . "
u / poppabear8888
" NTA as long as you actually follow through . YTA if you just use this as a nonchalant threat when you get frantic . "
u / SatansAnus7
" YTA . You ’re not considering that this is braggart than cleaning . If he was always cleaning and dead stopped , there ’s something else going on here .
I ( a man ) can say this has bump to me before and there werebigproblems in my life that lead me to break being as clean and hefty as I naturally am . I was broadly speaking unhappy with my biography . "
u / throw_away485839
And then there are those who think that everyone sucks here:
" ESH . You do n’t peril divorce , you do n’t protest by matching his behaviour , you communicate . He sucks for suppose it ’s not his job anymore and it ’s very concerning , but you did n’t know that when you adjudicate to match his vigor . You both deserve each other . "
u / GreenArrowCuz
" Dude , hire a dry cleaner , make him give for it . You stopped cleaning also . People require beau ideal . gauge you both will have to subsist with the result . Good riddance ! A circumstances of you will bedevil off a family relationship bc it ’s not pure . Perfect only exists on paper . ESH . "
u / jfern009
My take? While I agree the word “divorce” shouldn’t be thrown around so lightly, I do think OP has reached her boiling point within the marriage. For the husband to say that cleaning is no longer his job to excuse the mess just shows a huge level of disrespect on his part. Perhaps some more communication is needed, but I can’t say that I blame OP.
observe : All submission have been cut for length and/or pellucidity .
extra thumbnail quotation : Fox / Nickelodeon / ABC
