" I evidence her I involve some space , and my fiancée start up crying and told me she was just joke about it . "
In a recent post shared tor/AITAH(am I the *sshole here), site useru/LifWeststold Redditors he had been dating his now-fiancée for years. They got engaged last month, he shared; but he added that he recently learned something about their relationship “which makes me very sad.”
“I was going through a stressful time last year with work and I was feeling overwhelmed,“the original poster(OP) explained. “Looking back I think I was just overreacting, but during that phase, I just don’t know what was happening to me mentally.”
In fact, his stress levels got so high that one night, “I just started crying randomly for no reason,“he said. At the time, “My fiancée was surprised but she comforted me, and she asked me what it was about, and I told her it was life in general.”
The week after, he got a promotion and realised he had been spiralling for no reason (we’ve all been there). “Mentally I started feeling much better and things were back to normal,“he shared(yay!).
However, OP “heard something last week which genuinely hurt me” about that time. “My fiancée’sbest friendEllie also got recently engaged,“he said. “Ellie is also very close friends with my sister. But my sister and my fiancée aren’t really friends or buddies.”
“Last week, my sister called me and told me something she’d heard from Ellie which she wanted to share with me,“he said. His fiancée had been chatting to Ellie about “green flags” (signs of good relationship material) “and what they love about their fiancés and what they could potentially be better at.”
“My fiancée had joked about me crying last year and that she found that anick*. Ellie found that very funny and then shared it with my sister,“OP revealed. “My sister told me she didn’t think it was funny at all but just carried on with the conversation and pretended everything was normal, but she wanted to share this with me.”
So, OP asked his fiancée about it. “My fiancée seemed a bit nervous but she admitted that she had said that but that she was just joking and didn’t mean it,“he wrote. “I told her I needed some space, and my fiancée started crying and told me she was just joking about it and that she loved that I was comfortable expressing myemotionsto her.”
He ended his postby saying"The thing is, I don’t really believe my fiancée, and I feel really sad and hurt that she found my crying an ‘ick’ and that she joked about it with her friend.” He asked the Reddit group, “AITAH for considering breaking up with my fiancée?”
“NTA (not the *sshole),u/Advanced_Passage_492wrote. “Guess how many times in 23 years I have joked (read mocked) my partner’s honest emotions to anyone?? Never. How disloyal and disrespectful. Never mind getting the ick — what I feel when my partner opens up to me is love and warmth and intimacy.”
“NTA. She has some unreasonable expectations about what is ‘ick’ and what men can and cannot do. I wouldn’t dump her, but I also would not rush into marriage,“u/Odd_Task8211opined.
“This potential wife is someone that you will lean heavily on as a spouse. Marriage is not aDisney movie; you need to know this woman will have your back if you lose your job, if you have a terrible accident, if you have children that are non-typical physically or mentally, if you basically don’t have sunshine and rainbows every day,“u/EpsilonSagechimed in.
“Ask yourself: do you feel that her reaction was a socially constructed response that she’ll be able to overcome with introspection, or is this an embedded personality trait?“u/reithejellysaid.
“If you have kids and your boy cries, will his mother think less of him? If it’s something you believe she can overcome, then I suggest couples counselling. If you believe she’ll treat future children (or future you!) this way, then please cancel your engagement,” the commenter continued.
The original poster actually replied to that comment, saying, “Even if she overcomes this, the issue I don’t think I’ll ever able to overcome it. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable crying in front of her, and I already feel sort of humiliated that she joked about this with her friend.”
Shout out tor/AITAHandu/LifWestsfor having this discussion.
Note : submission have been edited for length and/or limpidity .
