secure friend are hard to come by .
Having a solid group of friends is one of the most important things in life. And like any relationship, friendships require a lot of time and effort in order to survive the long haul.
Recently, a Reddit user asked, “How do you maintain your strong friendships in adulthood?” Here’s some of the most insightful tips people had to share:
1.“Remember that going periods without contact doesn’t mean the person doesn’t like you or doesn’t care. We all go our own way when we reach adulthood. I still consider my best friends from high school my best friends today.”
2.“Work, patience, and adjusting your expectations. My friend group has gone from the party every day phase to the party on the weekends phase. Now, we are ‘Is this function kid-friendly? If not, we can’t make it because we don’t have a sitter’ phase. Some see this as a bad thing because priorities shift to more important things, which is true. But you still have to make an effort to be in your friends' lives and understand that their family comes first.”
" It ’s also very wholesome watch your pal who you used to bar hop with become the meat - smoking daddy or the sports mom , and best of all … you get a new honorable friend who you get to mishandle and distinguish them all the fun account of their parent from back in the day . "
— uranium / Motown002
3.“I’ve made sure to always make time. I know it’s cliche but it’s more important than you think to make time to hang out and act like idiots together or do something you both love.”
4.“Honestly, showing up is the most effective. Go to their weddings, events, birthday parties, and parents' funerals. Call them on holidays or send a ‘thinking of you’ text. Just make yourself available and show that you actually care about what’s going on in their lives.”
— u / addictinsane
5.“I had an extremely close-knit friend group all through college. We met each other on day one and lived together all four years. When we graduated we all moved to separate areas across the country, so we promised to do a guys' trip every year to see each other. We’re now in the sixth year and we all went to Boston together this past weekend. Our lives may change, but we are all still the same group. Every year we live, laugh, and cry together as if it will be our last time. Then we hug, say we love each other, and start planning the next one. I consider myself one of the lucky ones to have this group. I truly don’t know where I’d be without them.”
6.“You have to swallow your pride and make an effort. As in, sometimes, youaregoing to be the one who initiates most of the conversation and contact between you. Ask yourself, do you value the person and relationship? If you do, then you put the effort in.”
" I ’ve know my better friend for 35 + years . We ’ve had ups and down . I ’m moderately certain he means more to me than I do to him . I lead up most of the conversation between us . But I love him and value him and his family , so I always make an effort to reach out for whatever reason , even if I ’m sense slighted . "
— uracil / CollateralSandwich
7.“Accept and continue to love who they have turned into and not who they were in the past.”
8.“Be genuine and trustworthy.”
— u / Amanda_kiss1
9.“Respect each other’s time and personal space. Make sure even though you don’t see each other often or talk with them much, the bond is still there.”
10.“Reciprocating effort, always.”
— uracil / GlitterGirl_23
11.“Go to things when you’re invited. If you keep saying no to things or cancel at the last minute they’ll stop inviting you.”
12.“Call your friends on the drive home. If you’re not a caller per se, get into the habit. Eventually, they’ll be used to your calls, and you’ll become the friend who calls. This is just one way to show up in your friendship.”
" The other is to make plans and flummox with them . Everyone would rather be home but the reality is that you have to make time to be with others . Once you ’re out , you ’ll bury why you did n’t need to go out in the first place . "
— u / dreamingrain
13.“Regular check-ins. Even a simple text or call to ask how someone is doing can keep the connection strong. It shows that you care and are thinking about them, helping to maintain the friendship despite busy schedules.”
14.“Annual beach or camping trip. Open text threads.”
— u / Gothamtonian
15.“I’m 20 which barely counts but I’ve found that my truly strong friendships don’t need to be maintained. I could go two months without speaking to my best friends and we would still be as close as ever.”
16.“Be a good listener. Sometimes friends just need to vent, and a supportive ear is gold.”
— u / Indepdent_Low_1426
17.“Make sure to always have time for your closest and best friends. Let them know you are there with regular phone calls and be sure to take the time to meet up in a regular time frame. Good friends are those who stick around, throughout the different stages in life.”
18.“Unpopular opinion: Sometimes you have to go out even when you don’t want to. That doesn’t mean going out if you’re going to be miserable, but don’t let a minor headache or feeling tired routinely stop you. People notice that and will stop depending on you to follow through with plans. Going out takes time and energy, and you’ll never find a perfect time.”
— u / buchwaldjc
19.“Just talk to them. If you still want to be friends with them, just be honest. You let things drift with life, s–t happens. Apologize for failing to realize how far apart you’d both grown and ask if they want to try and rekindle things. It’s never too late for a good friendship, but it won’t ever get better if someone doesn’t take the first step.”
Note : Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity .
