" Ik my parents HATE to see me bringing common sensory faculty to a conversation . " — @annab1ake
Well, y’all, considering the fact that I’m SHIVERING at my desk right now (I’m stubborn and cheap and refuse to turn my heat on this early), I fearbrat girl summeris behind us…
" Brat summer formally over , declares Charli XCX"https://t.co / CqVH370pUgpic.twitter.com / VoZu0GJz36
I don’t know what season we’re entering now (Demure Girl Fall??? Worry Wart Autumn??? Stranger Than Fiction Fall??? Or simply just Please Help Me Get Through This Presidential Election Autumn???). Whatever it is, we’ll need some laughs, so here are some funny tweets from the first week of September to kick us off:
1.
Do something that scar you every solar day . If you do that , then each day , little by little , you will be frightened . Every Clarence Shepard Day Jr. will be chilling , and your living will be very scarey . 💫
2.
Hi . It ’s your friends here at Hello Fresh . We ’re desperate . 200 meal for $ 2 . We will put it out in your fridge . We will become your staff and run your household . We will do anything for your business concern . Anything . Just demand . We lose $ 20bn an minute but we are an essential service
3.
Malus pumila pic will make an entire montage of the worst soul you ’ve ever conform to and add some jazz music on top of it , and then entitle it “ The Good Days ”
4.
I at long last did it , I asked a man on the tube who was watch football out aloud on his phone “ got any headphones mate ? ” AND HE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGISED AND tone down IT - I am the dragon I am the ball I am the z
5.
omg that ’s like their beyoncéhttps://t.co/6IxnTeQMxi
6.
i love my dog but this medium frequency got ta pay up rentpic.twitter.com/iW64rcEoHF
7.
my anxiety is at an all time high because i keep obtain school text that begin like ‘ anna , we need to check in ’ or ‘ this is a difficult message to send ’ and for a second i think it ’s my boyfriend breaking up with me before i realise they ’re all from tim walz
8.
Not 183 year erstwhile tea!!!https://t.co / jfnKhyowCO
9.
I have to say a client that the ship carrying her countertops is being held up by buccaneer and it is too early for this right now
10.
an crucial part of watching honest-to-goodness flick is receive your pretentiousness calculator quick
11.
Am I high or is this air conditioner unit stargazing with her pegleg out the windowpane rightfield nowpic.twitter.com/ygWYeadoFy
12.
My mom asking me who I ’m locomote out with like it ’s not the same 2 twat
13.
Ik my parent detest to see me bringing common horse sense to a conversation
14.
pic.twitter.com/Hf0awmswEz
15.
I ’ve lost years of my life to 2 - factor authentication
16.
put “ reddit ” at the end of every question i have on google cuz i will never swear an AI i need John from 13 long time ago that has the same job as me to solve it
17.
Crossed the street to give the 3 tween girls their quad as they took up the intact sidewalk to start around in a prayer circle replicate “ our moms WILL say yes to a sleepover TONIGHT ! ” ❤ ️ 🔥 ❤ ️ 🔥 ❤ ️ 🔥
18.
leonardo dicaprio just switched to binghttps://t.co/f6wzP0lkBI
19.
Why ca n’t I go to the website of the company Toyota and tell a cable car . Why must I go to the local Honest Jim ’s Horseshit Emporium and Haberdashery and devastate 3 hour of my meter
20.
Told my 56 - year - old coworker that I ’m a bit anti - social and he said “ yeah I noticed that about you , you do n’t necessarily light up a room ”
21.
today in costco a woman straight up ask her hubby for a divorce . and she was n’t joking . being miserable in the costco together would be my last straw too
22.
4 twelvemonth old has a new piece where he pretends to have a fatal sea scooter accident . it ’s very funny but the other patron of the husbandman ’s market place seemed alarmedpic.twitter.com/MTBjbvRAzm
23.
It ’s amazing when masses honk at you for not be active when you ’re letting people cross . You ’re right bro I should just annihilate this menage of four
24.
pic.twitter.com/SciK6AyRJw
25.
ㅤpic.twitter.com/myZVo9XzXw
26.
Quiet please … Lemon Raspberry Loaf is sleepingpic.twitter.com/pqvfb57AkO
27.
Tried to let one get on the escalator first and he said " No , don’t worry about me , I’m in no rush . They ca n’t go anywhere without me"https://t.co / IDAFQLlzFs
Thanks for followin' along, and see you next week for more laughs! In the meantime, if you need more funny tweets to bide your time, here are our most recent roundups (and shoutout to the creators of these tweets — don’t forget to shoot them a follow if you liked ‘em!):
43 Funny Tweets From The workweek To Keep You Laughing Your Way Into September
37 Hilarious Tweets That Will Have You accrue In A Fit Of Laughter Into Fall ( Sorry )