feel very blessed not to be on this week ’s lean .
Summer is slowly coming to an end, and some of us are holding on for dear life (me). At least we’ve got this list of the best fails from this week to take the edge off the fact that the days are getting shorter soon:
1.A new meaning for the phrase “family” vacation.
pip the end of my rope on vacation and said we are n’t going on another vacation until the kids are 18 , and instead of that statement having any emotional encroachment , the kids are excitedly talking about how they ’re going to bring their husbands and wives and children .
2.The Oreos come for us all.
i can not corrupt oreos anymore they talk to me through the closet like the green goblin masquerade
3.I mean the money’s nice, but…
me at the job i tap god forpic.twitter.com/14jcIdGUxg
4.Open mouth, insert foot.
Nice man at vape store said my sum was $ 29.11 , and a monster took over me and I blurted out “ 20 of em would be terrible ” someone please put me down
5.Sometimes you just have to prioritize.
My husband told me we need to bribe less tall mallow , so now I ’m clearing out all his stuff to make room for my new cheese fridge
6.What if…everyone just read them on their own…
Every Thursday we have a 2 time of day staff meeting where the music director simply read to us from new policy documents she ’s made and then netmail them after she reads them verbatim andpic.twitter.com/BMbstZvx65
7.What’s in the bag??
number one sentence you do n’t want to pick up while pass a man who is on the phone and hold a bag : “ yeah it ’s alert and i put it in a dish ”
8.Such a precious moment.
Me ( lie next to 4yo as he falls asleep , think about the transience of sprightliness and trying to impress this very moment in my memory board for when he is grown ): I love you4yo ( whispering very softly ): Daddy you need a tidy sum
9.Personally, I’d have used it as an excuse not to go to my workout class, period.
at pilates the teacher asked if anyone had any injuries and this lady went “ i got sting by a bee ” and she was serious
10.First name only on the intercom, please.
mama at da airport lmaopic.twitter.com/SE8UxGw53P
11.Hear me out: What if we did not get shown our photo memories at all?
Snapchat be like “ Good morning ! Here ’s a 7 year old retentivity of you coked out at a Dave & Busters with a woman you thought was the one ”
12.It can’t be a coincidence, right?
Weird matter happened yesterday . hubby and I both tense an ankle in on the nose the same agency at exactly the same time of day . He was at work and I was at home . The only difference being that he did it to his good ankle and I did it to my left . This is a supernatural account now .
13.Jail for the manufacturer for 1,000 years.
The next fourth dimension someone does one of those ‘ write a 3 word horror story ’ competitor , I ’m blend to enter this picture.pic.twitter.com/T9eSBSGGW0
14.If you have constructive criticism, please keep it to yourself.
I just received some very valid constructive critique at oeuvre so if anyone need me I ’ll by lying under my bed in the dark for the next 12 hour
15.Sometimes we just need a witness.
One thing I ’ve pick up is that no matter how hopeless I feel , no matter how stressful my living contract , no matter how many thing seem to be kick the bucket incorrectly all at the same time , there will be a dog standing there staring at me
16.By the time the realization is made, it’s probably too late.
I really thought a Long lsland lced Tea was ice afternoon tea with liquor in it and now I ’ve come to find it ’s just liquor with hard liquor in it .
17.We’re just supposed to go without coffee and food ‘til 2 p.m.?
Not being capable to feed before blood body of work is so stupid . Yes I ’m cognisant my funyon levels have spiked am I dying or not ?
18.One is the loneliest number.
say COW when you ’re drive alone just is n’t the same
19.A simple mistake.
remember when I was in 7th grade and my bestie and I realize our grandpas both fought in WW2 and we were like “ omg were they besties too ? ? 🥹🥹 ” and then I evidence my mom and she was like “ beloved … … .. Noelle is German ”
20.Is thereanywhereyou can ponder in peace these days?
run to the park to ponder only to witness 4 other beau already meditate therepic.twitter.com/Q8rPXP3pgI
21.Do NOT tell DJ Khaled about this.
There ’s a teenage son on the phone in front of the infirmary and I think his mom just had twins because he ’s pacing and going “ No bro no , a brother and a babe , bro , no , no , bro , the doctor reached in there and rend OUT ANOTHER ONE . ”
22.I’m a different person when I’m behind the wheel.
There ’s nothing like commuting by automobile that reminds you that within each of us is a deep capability for profound evil
23.Thanks for checking in!
Jesus Christ bro 😂 💀 pic.twitter.com/th3JV6BlLy
24.And finally…the math is not mathing.
when i was 19 i was dating this 32 yr honest-to-god woman who got very very broken when her friends asked me what we were doing for her 40th bday and that s when i learned she was , in fact , 39
As a consolation for their rough week, follow these creators! And if you’d like to see more fails, check out our most recent posts:
16 bomb From This workweek That ’ll Make You finger Wayyyy Better About Your Own sprightliness
13 uproarious Internet Fails From This Week That Will Make You Laugh , Cry , And Breathe A Sigh Of Relief That It Did n’t Happen To You
15 Unfortunate But Incredibly Funny run out From The cyberspace This Week That Make Me Glad People Share Their Pain For The eternal rest Of Us To Enjoy
