" Being around your parent is like , ' Damn , I ’m emotionally traumatized , but I ’m eating so dependable right now . ' "
Somehow, we’ve only got about four months left in 2024 😳. On the bright side, there have been countless viral jokes on the internet this year so far, so please distract yourself from the passage of time with these great tweets:
And follow the write up that made you express mirth to make your Twitter feed even considerably !
1.
it ’s so funny to want a headmaster level . like relax
2.
“ Can you explain the gap in your resume?”“Sure are you familiar with not getting jobs ? ”
3.
offset my therapy session to go encounter the reason hahaha
4.
Why is everyone all right with the way “ Siobhan ” is enunciate ?
5.
going to the privy at 3 am using a middle school classmate ’s linkedin profile as a torch
6.
Put on your slutty dress babe , we ’re going to Chili ’s
7.
A yearling in their “ why ” phase makes you realize how little you know .
8.
i ca n’t take acid with slimy mass i ’ll startle screaming
9.
Me : I hate this escape room . ma : terminate calling the kin reunification that .
10.
pic.twitter.com/VkenkjzSX1
11.
get so gamey I thought I jazz someone identify Ian
12.
i would do absolutely anything for my friends except respond their text message
13.
Not mehttps://t.co/q8NcufQWsMpic.twitter.com/R9vME8e27y
14.
Reading in bed with the weed pen resting on the other pillowpic.twitter.com/IWFpJdgtpZ
15.
doctor : do you fume or drinkme : yesdoctor : okme : are u mad at me
16.
TSA asked me if the durag was religious I said Lowkey
17.
If I ’m being honest I do n’t even do it my instagram parole
18.
what is so realistic about sex and the urban center is her admirer never understand her fiddling articles
19.
tell parent about your trouble is like adding another problem to your biography .
20.
i was argue w this small miss on roblox cause she call me a dumb 12 year old so i severalize her i m 25 why she say “ daughter go clock in ” hunky-dory girl now i m pissed
21.
she call me apple the elbow room I be in cyder
22.
asking your managing director to explain something for the 2nd timepic.twitter.com/IxvZDmScpg
23.
Why did no one recount me you could go to jury duty tog for a yoga family ? Because my dunderhead showed up like I ’m on an episode of Scandal .
24.
“ And who is your primary aid doc ” three dissimilar urgent care in a oceanic abyss coat , babe
25.
Being around ur parent is like damn i m emotionally traumatized but i m eat up so beneficial rn
26.
you ’ll be have a good day and then someone your old age says they ’re buying a house
27.
my petty brother has his google medico up on his television bc he ’s writing a forgetful story and i just went wow you are brave i could never have my penning up like that and he just went “ well i m not write gay fanfiction ” in front of both our parentspic.twitter.com/MnVHVLt4ON
28.
THEY express mirth AT ME FOR BRINGING TUMS TO THE CLUB BUT GUESS WHAT NOW THEYRE ALL ask ME FOR screw tummy IN THE CLUB
29.
Me look at what ’s about to work into a miss call.pic.twitter.com/tyAXkOOHZn
30.
human eyes are not meant to see a defenseless organic structure break an orchard apple tree watch
31.
the first fanfic writer to think “ what if there was only one bed?”pic.twitter.com / MXoHdVfBrN
32.
it ’s nothing spoiled than accidentally becoming a of import person at your Book of Job
33.
Me after spitting on it and using both handspic.twitter.com/yAYiKWsH9p
34.
10 ? you were dumbhttps://t.co/CpksGZzfGv
35.
Apple , if i unsend a message just let it be that . the whole declaration is crazy
36.
i buy a novel car battery and it was like $ 220 and the girl at auto zone say “ wanna see how much it would cost if you needed 99 of them ? ” and i said “ okay ” so she typecast 99 in the measure and the cost went to $ 23000 and she said “ that s how much it would cost ” and i said “ okay ”
37.
Lamb is such a delectable meat , apologies to Mary and her little one .
38.
being a novel parent is so funny . the other night the child inflame up and his bridge player were cold so I googled “ baby ’s paw moth-eaten at night ” and all the results were like “ yeah sometimes babies ’ hands get a little frigidity at Nox ” I do n’t know what I await
39.
Me n my man but I ’m drunk he ’s highpic.twitter.com/f6gvBOe0LR
40.
Not to expose myself for being dull — but the vet told me my blackguard had a spot that might be a malignant melanoma and the first words out of my mouth were “ oh that does run in our phratry . ” Like , I really forgot for a sec that I did not give birth to her .
41.
she send a selfie and i go enforce for eminent pay jobs i get an interview on monday
42.
' girlfriend of 9 yrs ' ….. i d really rather be shoot detail blank in the typeface
43.
This look like something you feed a pitbull on his birthdayhttps://t.co/7OWk8QNrwH
44.
i m scared to apply for problem because what if they call me
45.
we ca n’t all be underemployed creatives someone in the group confabulate postulate to know what insurance policy is
46.
say your elementary school teacher thought you were gifted is like thinking strippers in reality love you
47.
if you feed dark chocolate just gone head and strain doodoo
48.
Texting me " yo " is mad . I m a fucking lady not one of your boys
49.
Why did I call a job asking if they ’re engage and they say no we ’re evoke LMFAOOOOOOO
50.
i think about it all the timepic.twitter.com/q4V4d6SUWG
51.
my grandmas in a situationship help …
52.
“ Can I be mean for a second ” you ’re entail all the clip just talk
53.
pic.twitter.com/zRnB66iwFc
54.
I love seeing art school kids clamber to harbour their self-aggrandizing ass drawings on their way to schooltime . Hahaha . That ’s what you get for being gay .
55.
“ how ’s feb 14th looking ” It ’s look like my rooms gon na sound like a barber shop
56.
We ’re both 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 watching a photographic film 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 we’ve BOTH never 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 seen 😂 😂 😂 BUT 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 your asking me 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 questionsss as if 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 I’m the director 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 ? ? ? 😂 😂 😂
57.
I LOVE smoking with paranoid bitch like yes girl they are coming but we are stronger ! ! !
58.
White ppl be like i would n’t be match
59.
first day as a poop coach . like me luck!pic.twitter.com/3v8Ko63H1 m
60.
Please turn back letting Tesla owners be Uber driver how the screw do I get out
61.
I desire this email blows your back out
62.
i physically can not make a spotify play list without add every vocal i ’ve ever liked . i ’ll begin one called “ pitiful :( ” and it ’ll cease up with temperature by sean paul on it
63.
I just said “ type shit ” in a encounter man , smh who hiring
64.
tell oomf i ’m a people pleaser and he said “ name three people that are actually pleased with you”pic.twitter.com/YDCCxzT55N
65.
Me : These drinks taste like juiceMe an minute laterpic.twitter.com/afGXUnaDzy
66.
pic.twitter.com/yZuS08au7Y
67.
A matrimonial man just complained to me about how hard dating is for him these dayspic.twitter.com/7Hrn6lu68k
68.
whatever gets her into that therapist ’s officehttps://t.co/rfARxXbwhT
69.
“ have you ever ascertain the godfather?”pic.twitter.com / d9U4H8rKX7
70.
she was my lab spouse in organic chemistry . and she carried ushttps://t.co/S8eEa503pD
71.
“ i ’m just a boy ” why my homegirl ai n’t smile in months then
72.
ashen people require to bring " booyah " back
73.
I had a dream i was at the club & this girl said “ hey female child you do n’t look nothing like your picture on societal media ” i said what ? ? ? and ran to the bathroom , i seem in the mirror why tf i was Steve Harvey 😭 😫 i never pass out the club so tight crying wow .
74.
Got my bidet all set uppic.twitter.com/Cqqp2VNVxm
75.
Really vibrate with this close friends post from last yearpic.twitter.com/874AW3Vbs3
76.
fop that are 5’8 ” sexual love read “ I ’ll be there before long ” like yea humanity we recognize
77.
( me with my foreigner ) this is a chilis margarita you drink it
78.
That ’s a suggestion band , plshttps://t.co/MeSauARgW0
79.
HOW AM I opine TO EAT THIS FOOD WITHOUT MY VIDEO ESSAY?pic.twitter.com / kiRBl9p2dF
80.
HE SAID YES ( i asked if he was mad at me )
81.
me preparing to drink strawberry mark lemonadepic.twitter.com/zbFQfjDMzB
82.
young woman i thought these was cinnamon insect bite , do n’t make this damn again.https://t.co/ATKt1JiHTN
83.
sheik will be like " You did n’t merit to be hurt like that …. you deserve to be offend like THIS "
84.
I have n’t tire out a deep coat since a random humans in his LX said to me “ what are you see for tec ” 😭 😭
85.
the logarithm truck driver in final destination 2pic.twitter.com/kzbz286jZh
86.
" you been pissin tonight , sir?“me asf : pic.twitter.com/210IkyqJVA
87.
True Life : I Survived tell My Friends I ’m Not do Out Tonightpic.twitter.com/vSEciQxrUw
88.
how it feels like to campaign the urge to DOORDASHpic.twitter.com/bhG9SZfFh9
89.
Yall : I would n’t wish this on my bad enemyMe : pic.twitter.com / qKXnbO5xZ2
90.
this is what going to the grocery store on the weekend feel likepic.twitter.com/U2BjMrwt6Q
91.
this commentary on the inside out 2 bill is killing mepic.twitter.com/s25zdBCLfA
92.
ppl hate zelle because they ’d have to confront the fact lmao
93.
How about you rise some male radiation diagram kindness
94.
MY BOYFRIEND YALLpic.twitter.com/xCoeiZaUwU
95.
People that rust yoghourt necessitate to relax . Stop scrape the bottom 27 times . Its blueberry bush yogurt not crack .
96.
Lmao why would the Amazon driver throw my package at my room access . The delivery video show the package still in the air 😂 😂 😂
97.
I was fight down for my lifepic.twitter.com/SToqSBAXdQ
98.
“ This class I really want to : journey more”“Let ’s debate this topic : Pineapple on pizza”“I’m weirdly attracted to : Men”“Biggest risk I ’ve taken : _ _ _ _ _ during the midriff of a pandemic”“The sound direction to involve me out is by : inquire me out”pic.twitter.com/id5zZfbjHp
99.
100.
insert my admirer to a show and she started liking the awry shippic.twitter.com/ZyIV0ae2eW
101.
be thinking i look mystifying af and my backpack be wide open
102.
My teenager is taking the SAT today . As we were walking out the room access , I asked her if she involve a especial pencil . She looked at me and said We take it on computers . The air travel hung hushed between us . Oh I said . Huh I say . It ’s the first year she added If it make you experience any better .
103.
me waking up the hamsters at the favorite storepic.twitter.com/uMB4K1jSY2
104.
105.
pic.twitter.com/YMXqRP1UHe
106.
Went on a day of the month with an actor last thursday and he made me split flyer … thought that smasher was overpic.twitter.com/8mZ9duxHuQ
107.
I be sit at a ginmill thinking I expect like a spoilt bitch whole time I ’m hunching my back
108.
no one : your unemployed friend at 4 Prime Minister on a tuesday : pic.twitter.com / k3Xc8hcCfk
109.
the homosexual definitely had other antecedence in 1945https://t.co/ES5zrGRbKA
110.
child they marry women they do n’t likehttps://t.co/GuvbBN9VQDpic.twitter.com/6uwPtmEgug
111.
“ He does n’t bite”Oh missy fuck you . Get this beast away from me
112.
Just farted so loud in the barbershop they talm turn cut him next for he shit
113.
i was speak to my head-shrinker when the earthquake make but i did n’t want her to put me on antipsychotics so i just did n’t acknowledge it
114.
mcdonalds should have to say " Excellent pick sir " to whatever you order
115.
the weed telling me to get scaredpic.twitter.com/6eD1DMr8FH
116.
catholics every friday during lentpic.twitter.com/JmKXpcfGU9
117.
6 year older me in the car thinking the moon is following mepic.twitter.com/Af0n9s4PFM
118.
ex bf ’s twin buddy is my flexible joint most compatiblepic.twitter.com/P0qndcMAK3
119.
Turn those ig likes back on babe we know you ’re fall flat and we bang you for it ! ! !
120.
“ tHaNkS fOr YoUr pAyMeNt!”Shut up . I pay that bill against my will .
121.
god forbid i help sell hotdogs on the streethttps://t.co/CSD4hwSmMW
122.
You ever suppose about how peaceful it must be inside the brain of a unintelligent person ?
123.
by age 26 you should have bollix up your only chance at true happiness like 6 time
124.
i like being single but come on not everyday
125.
Showing your Samuel Barber a reference pic is so humbling … “ hey bro can you make me blistering like him 🤭 ” like ok gay boy
126.
“ drug user not found”pic.twitter.com/jh3sh5ScUz
127.
I had an flat review 😭 pic.twitter.com/76RyI3VGYx
128.
ppl who have no playlists & just shuffle their wish songs folder are capable of murder
129.
young man are kinda like chew toys and if u bite hard enough they ’ll creak
130.
I do not act about overstimulation I will punch you at a Zara 😭
131.
me at the pre when i realize we leave in 5 bit and i ’ve taken 2 sipspic.twitter.com/wnBDaJVqaB
132.
my daddy and his gf broke up and she took the air fryerpic.twitter.com/EuwZCsv4lW
133.
wtf do i got ta do to get a bouquet of flowers ? die?pic.twitter.com / RJryEX5eCk
134.
when people be in a family relationship for 6 + years … like hurry up other masses wanna particular date you
135.
i roll in the hay things are n’t very fergalicious right now bro but attend in there
136.
when humankind put on those lil stays belt at the gymnasium like o.k. prima donna ! !
137.
me when i say the give-and-take zeitgeistpic.twitter.com/S9n3b0FQVF
138.
sorry i ca n’t pay heed out this weekend i have credit card debt
139.
big spike are so hot like yes dumbo what that trunk do
140.
idc who talks shit about me cuz i talk tinker’s damn better and i ’m funnier
141.
said you wanted a brat summertime and now expect at you on antibiotics 😕
