" gave baby her first bath yesterday , she pooped in the bathing tub and when i nibble her up to wipe her off she pooped on my hand . i keep tell her she ’s not allowed to be a comedian , but she ’s clearly not listening . " — @ambercrollo
This has been a tough week for everyone, so here are 26 funny tweets by parents to make your life a little brighter!
Found a measuring tape in my teens bathroom this morning . I ’m gon na pretend I did n’t .
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
construe an Amazon motortruck degenerate a tiddler off at school this morning . Did n’t know that was an option .
2.
I ( 43F ) just had my son ( 17 M ) tell me , " You ’ll never apprise Nirvana like I do , " when a video of " Smells Like Teen Spirit " came on You Tube . This is in zero parenting manuals .
3.
If you ’re thinking of having kids just know my daughter was sobbing inconsolably the other night because she realized she can never be half dog / one-half human
4.
My son offer his babe a pungency of his strawberry doughnut , which she accepted and then did not offer him a sting of her deep brown doughnut , and now he has spent the last hour muttering about scams .
5.
not being a monster i give tell shoe back , to an equally quiet but far less devastate : oh ! my brake shoe !
6.
My infant made me an imaginary pizza pie . I begin eat on it saying “ mmmm it ’s so good . ”She said , “ You did n’t take it out the box”pic.twitter.com/I9pKRJd0mP
7.
It ’s amazing to me that with no preparation kids can by nature cough with maximum microbe sprayage
8.
My married woman was trying to secernate me a quick story and after the umpteenth time our kids interrupted her she said , “ Nevermind , mayhap we can spill again when they ’re maturate up , ” and that about nitty-gritty up being tie with kids .
9.
I have a scholar w a hearing aid & I bust this matter around my neck so that he can hear me talking in his auricle . Y’all why I block to mute it & I walked outside the course to swear my man out … . I came back in & the pupil say “ Ms. Figueroa are you okay ? ” 😭
10.
My 9yo on Shark Tank:“It ’s a shirt , but front , it ’s also a serviette ! ”
11.
show my 7 year - old an engrave - a - sketch and said this is what dad played with grow up and this little angel asked me if it was a ' caveman iPad ' and I am still in shambles
12.
I saw a wanderer crawl under my nestling ’s bottom and was too banal to go after it , but that ’s okay , no living wight can survive that environment .
13.
Today a preschooler walking in a seam secern me , " Good job drinking water supply ! " when he interpret me drink water . The product line keep moving and every tyke after him echo a similar comment . “It ’s good for you to drink water!““It ’s important to stay mellow - dated!“And so on .
14.
Turns out I ’m raising a real New Yorker . My 3.5 year old daughter just expect up while eating a plain white slice of American high mallow and said , “ I ’m glad we live in Brooklyn , daddy , no other city has high mallow like this . ”
15.
gave baby her first bath yesterday , she pooped in the bath and when i pick her up to wipe her off she pooped on my manus . i keep telling her she ’s not allow to be a comedian , butt she ’s clearly not listen .
16.
My son has a zombie mask for Halloween but also would wish me to paint his face like a zombi so that when he takes off the mask people are like , “ whoa an actual zombie . ” Oh also my Logos is afraid of zombi and does n’t desire to seem in the mirror or take pictures on Halloween .
17.
Must ’ve missed that part in the parenting Word of God that said you ’d be travail through last night ’s crank for your Word ’s retainer .
18.
Daughter got her first phone . Here is a listing of the things she ’s called me about:-saw a nerveless bug - made up a new birdcall - can we have ribs for dinner - how do you import suspect
19.
like a calendar month ago i refer to one of the 2yo ’s leger as “ the one where elsa and anna gather a babe moose ” and she died express mirth and was like no it ’s a baby reindeer and now literally every daylight she hold out “ remember you made a mistake and said baby European elk ” like can i live
20.
When my parents and my nipper FaceTime , my kids wo n’t answer my parent ’ question so I repeat their questions to my kids . Then my parents ca n’t understand what my kids say so I repeat their answers to my parent . A large time is had by all .
21.
Kyd : Can we have patty for breakfast?Wife : dead not . Kids : Then why is HE eating cake for breakfast?Me [ back talk full of cake ] : BECUFF IM AN ADULTF
22.
3yo : Why do we have a elbow room just for the toilet and the bath?Me : So mass can have privacy when they ’re going to the bathroom or taking a shower.3yo : Why would someone want that?I mean I ’m commence to understand the theme of much of our disconnect .
23.
I severalize my 12yr old she was n’t allowed to make pancakes without oversight . So I come back and she ’s making crepes .
Don’t miss the funniest tweets by parents last week:
28 Hysterical Tweets By Parents That Sent Me To An Early Grave
…or the funniest tweets by parents in September!
I Can not amplify How Wildly Hilarious These 47 tweet By Parents Are
