" Hey , sorry I missed your text , I am process a nonstop 24/7 attack of data with a mental capacity designed to eat berries in a cave " — @VeryBadLlama

Fromgirl math, toboy math, to high value men, September was a very math-heavy month on Twitter.

A high - time value man has 5,000 a year and a house in Ithiel Town . A man of effect has 10,000 a year , beautiful terra firma at Pemberley , and a flawless appreciation for ready wit and fine eyes.https://t.co/2erzEqON1X

Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!

1.

long - term relationships are all about develop a dialect so embarrassing you ’d rather be shoot than have audio of your daily conversations leak

2.

i think if u have a really fucked up dream you should be grant to call off work . i just watched my mother get set on by a Panthera tigris and you expect me to hop on a rapid climb group meeting rn

3.

Remember when you are utilize for jobs that if / when you finger ' underqualified ' a white guy rope just responded to my roll call for African - American women . So shoot your shot , I estimate .

4.

i love it when i can tell a friend is doing their contentedness rounds . thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post factory queen . see you again in 2 - 8 hours

5.

I swear , every man in this metropolis bought their eau de cologne from Cat Piss r ’ Us this summer because I have never smell such miserableness .

6.

hoi polloi talking about “ as per my last email ” as being an act of enmity but I just had to collapse out an “ I ’m not sure how I can elucidate this any further ”

7.

STOP ! NARCING ! I brought a watering can to dinner party tonight because a admirer had chip in it to me earlier . as I was leaving the restaurant , a woman told a server “ she ’s stealing your lacrimation can ! ” and then I had to be like “ this is actually mine ” which is embarrassing for no cause !

8.

player reminding writers they ’re still picketingpic.twitter.com/DxU0tO2jO4

9.

I opine Joe Jonas overestimated how much the average person is Team Joe Jonas . I did n’t sit through 8 seasons of the most nerve-wracking poorly lit show to support that man .

10.

A bozo asked me what it was like to be a adult female in the workplace and another guy answer for me . Nailed it .

11.

When Mariah Carey sued that billionaire fellow she had for wasting her time and won a multi - million dollar settlement , that ’s girl math .

12.

One thing about Taylor … she ’s gon na satisfy your mom 😩 you may not listen from her after a calendar month . But she definitely gon na meet your momma .

13.

I hope this dog never stop biting secret service . How does this keep happeninghttps://t.co/Rnm0ApW73 M

14.

full-bodied people are like we have to disguise the refrigerator

15.

I ’m casually bang this man . He text me . I come to the door . We have a go at it . Awkwardly make little talk for 10 minutes . He leave . But tonight was different . I offer this man a water , he starts telling me something he ’s excited for this week . It was adorable . I right away said leave

16.

i got the covid booster and a flu stab earlier today and the guy give it to me was like “ are you getting this for school or work ? ” and i panicked and read “ for merriment ”

17.

“ would you like to delay your story counterpoise ? ” god no . my balance is none of my patronage

18.

absolutely sobbing that this man is querying my federal agent by say my novel was in his laundry roompic.twitter.com/puG5TaqgUj

19.

Remember when we were like “ give up kill mordant people ” and someone was like we ’ll exchange “ master bedroom ” to “ primary chamber ? ”

20.

Husband , day 1 of owning a dog : It ’s just a dog . Husband , day 2 of owning a dog : We should give the cad a middle name .

21.

Someone stole my identity yesterday and opened a bunch of report in my name , include a sports betting account where he won like century of dollars . today I closed the account and collected all of that money . Getting your identity stolen rules ! ! !

22.

lowkey " seize him " and " unhand me " were huge for the english speech

23.

this is the playlist someone makes after madly google ' music’https://t.co / myIq8doscF

24.

Boy math is opening up your spousal relationship so you could do it around then getting mad bc your wife is gettin slammed while you severely overrate your marketplace note value

25.

block me if you need but I ’m excited for it to get colder at Nox so I can truly be on my snug as a bug in a rug game

26.

Have n’t seen no squirrel of late and all of a sudden mc Donald ’s draw 50 cent burgers

27.

“ Skincare is a scam ” lol ok well I ’ve been using anti aging product religiously since I was 18 , now I ’m 34 and can easy pass for 32 … who ’s express joy now

28.

Got a friendly personal reject from a magazine that say they liked my submission , but they only accept “ submissions from authors in the westerly US ” and like…pic.twitter.com/cVB4pZkTD5

29.

hate when people are chronically late . disclose them to be selfish , scatterbrained , etc . unlike my own tardiness which is always merely a casualty of Poor Infrastructure

30.

“ you ask to sign up for your ADHD medication because it ’s extremely addictive , ” say my pharmacist before pass on over a prescription I need to set at least six phone alarum to remember to take

31.

my job ? nfl team graphic designer . my delegacy ? to make a bird look as mean as potential

32.

block your manner in the southward is ma’amnesia

33.

Sophie Turner is presently in the impeccable situation of being able to heed to Taylor Swift breakup songs literally pen about her ex & I consider that ’s beautiful

34.

Another solar day , another round of men need , " Why are woman attracted to this mildly unconventional looking fellow ? " Honey , every woman you bed has a press on the sketch fox version of Robin Hood , and this is what puzzle you ?

35.

I still ca n’t get over the fact that the Vatican tried to invite Hozier to perform Take Me To Church 💀 Imagine asking your # 1 hater to sing his chart - topping hatred song ABOUT YOU ? ? ? 💀 😭 😭 😭

36.

asking u to transport good energy to the sephora employee at the registry who looked at me , taken aback , and go “ your voice is so calming . i ’ve just experienced a peck today and … .. it ’s just so soothing ” after i said “ hi . yes , just this ”

37.

Babe , what ’s wrong ? You ’ve hardly chug your Eggo Brunch in a Jar Appalachian Sippin ’ Creampic.twitter.com/rKPDboLqRJ

38.

I had day operating theater today ( nothing enceinte ) and they were like " do n’t make any important decisions in the next 24 hour bc you might not think back them . " But I had to go foodstuff shopping . Later Morgan was like " you bought … so much , like a fortune , of cheese . "

39.

if a woman secern you you have “ nice hand ” she is doing everything in her tycoon not to fuck you senseless please free her from her torment her friend are receiving the kinds of messages someone in prison house would beam

40.

rap needs to terminate . You have it off how many birds I can name now ? It ’s too much .

41.

my healer had me a do a lil exercise and we had to create a musical scale of 0 to 100 and she needed me to give an exemplar of what 0 would be in terminal figure of feeling no discomfort / anxiousness and i said “ after doing a whippet ” and then she write for what seemed like longer than those 4 intelligence

42.

my babe did n’t remember that i left this morningpic.twitter.com/Qoe8GDtRF6

43.

Boy mathematics is compensate $ 44 billion for a $ 25 billion company and , through business sector smarts and entrepreneurial know how , turning it into an $ 8.8 billion company

44.

WAS RUNNING FOR THE TRAIN . FOOT SLIPPED OUT OF BIRKENSTOCK . TOUCHED SUBWAY STATION GROUND WITH ENTIRE FLAT BARE SOLE

45.

People who get up in a little townspeople ca n’t wait to evidence you how that stop light used to be a block mark .

46.

Boy math is how 5’10 ” measures 6’https://t.co/85djuD5Nql

47.

My Tinder bio : pic.twitter.com / KIe79ta6XC

48.

hey sorry I drop your textual matter , I am processing a non - stop 24/7 onset of information with a Einstein plan to eat Charles Edward Berry in a cave

49.

determination palsy is so laughable . i ’m like “ do i want pizza for lunch or a burrito ? ” and my mentality is like “ actually i ’d rather starve to death ”

50.

weighed down sigh . I was talking to a coworker last week , and she got a phone call that transferred to her super - nerveless watch . She charge to her wrist and aver , " Sorry , my son is calling!“I said , " Wow ! Like Dick Tracy!“Today I am explaining to my manager why I call up her a " Dick " .

51.

yesterday I was seek to eat tuna out of a can and the cat VERY clearly believed it was quat food and I was so humiliated . they were n’t even begging they just watched me take this can to my bottom like bitch you are lost

52.

We shoulda riot when Dollar Tree added that quarter . That was the beginning of the goal .

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