" It ’s my female parent ’s default response whenever she does n’t like what I ’m read . "
Note : This level discusses intimate and worked up abuse .
Statisticsshowthat about half of all women and men in the U.S. have experienced some form of psychological aggression by a partner. And family and domestic violence — which includes child abuse, intimate partner abuse, and elder abuse —affectsan estimated 10 million people every year in the U.S.
Since these numbers are incredibly high, it unfortunately means you may know (or have known) someone who has experienced abuse within an interpersonal relationship — even if they might not have realized it at first.
So when I saw Reddit userakand_1ask: “What is abuse and people don’t realize it?” I thought it would be helpful to read some of the answers below to help identify some of the different types of abuse. Here’s what they had to say below:
1.“Sibling rivalry that goes unchecked by parents. Man, I can’t believe how common/ignored sibling abuse is. Neglectful parents plus unruly children is a recipe for disaster.”
2.“Harnessing therapy speak to absolve oneself of accountability.”
— u / Comfortable - Ear-9186
" My favorite example is the misuse and manipulation of boundaries . bounds are a way for you to govern your own behavior in the heart of your own protection ; they are not rules to impose on other people .
For example , a existent boundary : ' I do n’t experience safe around you when you drink . If you are drink , I can not be around you . ' A faux edge : ' You are not set aside to drink around me , I do n’t like it . ' Abusers throw around this concept to control you , like the classic : ' My edge are that you ca n’t go out without me , wear provocative clothing , and you have to text me constantly when we are n’t together , and you ca n’t say no because they ’re my boundaries . ' It keep out the victim down because it make them seem like they are harming their maltreater by refusing them . "
— uracil / Em29ca
3.“Mothers who treat their sons like surrogate boyfriends/husbands. If their sons DARE to have a girlfriend or get married, these women act like they’re being cheated on.”
4.“Invalidating your feelings by making it about them and how you holding them accountable is upsetting them.”
— u / SunflowerGirl728
" This is my mother ’s default whenever she does n’t like what I ’m saying , ' Oh , I ’m grim , I ’m the worst mother in the humanity and your childhood was awful . ' Like eff off — that ’s not what I ’m saying and you know it . "
— u / SheepPup
5.“Neglect. Neglect IS abuse.”
6.“Manipulation under the guise of caring for what happens to you.”
— u / First_Catch_3919
" Love but with condition . My stepson ’s dad is this way : ' If you recount me you ’re take in playfulness at your mom ’s house it means you do n’t love me . '
He ca n’t keep his joy unless it ’s with him . "
— u / SnatchAddict
7.“Trying to ‘test’ people’s food allergies because they don’t believe them or trying to sneak a food someone doesn’t like into a dish to prove them wrong.”
8.“Continuing a certain behavior after the person you are affecting has (repeatedly) asked you to stop. But-I’m-Not-Touching-You-ism is a short route to abusive behavior.”
— uranium / Mullet_Police
9.“Yelling. Years of walking on eggshells will damage a person’s nervous system.”
10.“Reactive abuse. Basically, abusers will poke and prod their victim so much until their victim has an explosive reaction. The abuser will then use this reaction as justification for their abuse or to further manipulate and gaslight the victim.”
— u / HuggyMummy
" There seems to be this pattern for one person to stonewall the other and pass up to respond even about important matters that ask coaction . Then when the other party reaches the end of their rophy and yells or becomes verbally unfriendly , the stonewaller points to it and claim abuse . scream looks like misuse from the exterior , but stonewalling about significant thing like parenting conclusion , shared finances , etc is abuse that flies under the microwave radar . "
— u / BatmanandReuben
11.“Commanding both parties’ finances. Not just being a breadwinner, but also shaming the other party for making purchases and/or demanding their paycheck.”
12.“Gatekeeping hygiene and not teaching your child about normal hygiene and personal care. I didn’t even realize it was a common thing with narcissistic parents until recently.”
— u / HealthyInPublic
" I ’m realise this as an adult . thing like care for my hair , how to put on war paint or buy clothes and worldwide hygienics my family would mock me for . That and ' plebeian sense ' maintenance when I was a bit older , like doing oil changes for your automobile or even as introductory as when to scrub a stool or how to do laundry . Or how to cook .
It was n’t until I was an adult and in therapy that I realized they bonk to ridicule me for thing it was their responsibility to teach .
Thankfully , the net has been contrive . That plus my saint of a husband and an super loving and patient found family mathematical group has helped me view up . "
— uracil / elcasaurus
13.“Messing with someone’s sleep.”
14.“Stonewalling a partner.”
— u / enjoycryptonow
" Being on the receiving goal of this , this is physically painful . I was peculiar about this when I was going through it and it turns out there is actual research that bear out being on the receiving end of social excommunication activate the same areas in your brain that physical pain does . "
— u / acct4dumbQs
15.“Driving recklessly with you in the car.”
16.“Telling a child how they should feel: ‘You should be grateful.’ ‘You should be happy.’ ‘You should be sorry.’ It shows the child just how little the parent actually cares about their feelings. The child is just a doll to them that they think they can control. I remember my cat’s leg and tail were broken, and my dad told me: ‘You should be happy because I didn’t shoot her.’ I will never forgive him for that.”
— u / PocketGoblix
17.“Parentification. I recently learned in therapy that it wasn’t normal that I was cooking and changing my siblings diapers when I was eight.”
18.“Using personal things someone has told you against them when you are angry. My husband does this and tries to pretend he’s being ‘constructive,’ rather than just cruel. And I’m working on getting my shit together to get the fuck out because I’m tired of being painted as the bad guy when I get upset.”
— u / dixiequick
19.“Not letting people express negativeemotionsbecause it’s ‘negativity.'”
20.“Altruistic narcissism. People who do their best to be extremely helpful to everyone around them, but it’s all a manipulative act. They don’t actually care about you or what you go through, they just want everyone to see them in a good light.”
— u / JayEdwards902
" And then when you have any problem with them whatsoever , they straight off weaponize their ' sort acts"‘against you : ' I ’ve done so much for you , how could you ! ! You should be grateful ! ! ' "
— uranium / ITriedSoHard419 - 68
21.“Breaking things while angry with their partner/kid (punching a hole in the wall for example).”
TheNational Alliance on Mental Illnesshelpline is 1 - 888 - 950 - 6264 ( NAMI ) and provides information and referral services;GoodTherapy.orgis an affiliation of mental wellness professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to slim harm in therapy .
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a final result of domestic furiousness , call 911 . For anonymous , confidential help , you’re able to call the 24/7National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 ( SAFE ) or chat with an advocate via the website .
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse , you’re able to call SAMHSA ’s National Helpline at 1 - 800 - 662 - assistance ( 4357 ) and find more resourceshere .
