" It used to be considered rude to ask for money as a natural endowment . They had bridal purses to conceal checks and hard cash , but the couple never asked for it . Now , you have people list GoFundMe account for their honeymoon . My momma recently went to a wedding where there was a QR code visiting card link to the bride ’s Venmo on every board . "
We recentlyaskedolder adults of theBuzzFeed Communityto tell us the biggest differences between wedding rules, traditions, and etiquette today vs. when they were younger. Here are the fascinating results:
1.“Wedding cake in the past wasn’t meant to be eaten at the party, at least in the ’80s. It was a yucky fruit cake. The cake cut by newlyweds was just a fake styrofoam cake for show (except for the top tier). So, the fruit cake was pre-cut and wrapped for you to take home as a guest.”
" Apparently , you were supposed to take it , put it under your pillow , and dream of your future spouse ? ! Even as a kid , I did n’t get it . So , I tried to feed it , but it smack awful anyway — dry and full of currants , etc . ( Oh , BTW , the top tier was meant to be save to be feed on the couple ’s first anniversary . Yuck . ) . "
— 51 , Canada
2.“We didn’t have red flowers because when photos were black and white, it would look like the flowers were black.”
— lovelytiger68
3.“Are thank-you notes a thing of the past? Out of four cash gifts we sent over the past few years, we received only one written thank-you. I have spoken to several friends about this, and they have all experienced the same trend. Not sending a thank you for a wedding gift is just downright disrespectful.”
— mushyasteroid21
" I jibe . Two of the last three wedding gifts I sent last unacknowledged . When I married in 1999 , I spent at least a workweek write handwritten thank - you notes for each wedding ceremony talent , describing in detail the gift send and how we would use it in our married life sentence . Today , even an e-mail would be welcome . I do n’t signify to patronize , but I have a go at it that people like any type of thank - you mention ! "
— demoncopperhead
4.“I remember weddings in the ’80s where the best man would read aloud a ‘telegram’ from people who couldn’t be there. It could be a European thing, but it’s definitely an ‘old’ thing.”
— mariset
5.“It was considered rude to ask for money as a gift. They had bridal purses to conceal checks and cash, but the couple never asked for it. Now, you have people listing GoFundMe accounts for their honeymoon. My mom recently went to a wedding where there was a QR code card linked to the bride’s Venmo on every table.”
" I still find it terribly trashy personally , but I also do n’t heed giving money as it negate the need for shopping . It ’s the begging that makes me cringe . "
— morgandemkey
" true - up begging for money in your wedding invitation . I ca n’t tell you how many wedding ceremony invitations I ’ve late gotten with an insert asking for immediate payment . The last one even include a weird poem written in iambic pentameter require for money . I get it ; weddings are expensive , but the solvent is n’t having your guests pay for it . "
— claudiam434ea2a4b
6.“I remember my grandma had all these strange superstitions, like bridesmaids should never be dressed in green as it’s the color of mold/decay. Another one was that you had to sleep with a piece of your wedding cake under your pillow.”
" All harmless . Miss you , Nanna . "
— libby77
7.“I design wedding invitations and used to have a brick-and-mortar store that opened in 2008. In the beginning, everything was still pretty traditional: floral designs, formal looks, people following wedding traditions because it’s what people did for, like, 150 years. Over the years, things have shifted so much. Weddings have become more and more a reflection of the couple.”
" I still have plenty of traditional , formal designs , but my most popular intent are popping culture - inspired and all kinds of sport stuff . I love it ! ! ! Your nuptials should celebrate you ! "
— annie_matronic
8.“These were the customs in the Midwest where I grew up. In college, I learned from my friends that there were different customs in other parts of the country. During my childhood in the ’60s, you invited yourwholefamily, at least all the immediate aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, of course. All the other greats (aunts, uncles, etc.) were optional. Children were never excluded, and there was no dress code.”
" Your parent take in some of their stage business partners and some neighbors . All in all , there might be 150 guests . "
— 70 , Illinois
9.“Wearing a black dress was equally as offensive as white, because it meant you were not supportive of the union and felt like it was a death in the family having lost the bride/groom to the union.”
— 31 , Canada
10.“Mints! What happened to mints? I never see them, but back in the day, they were a must. And they cost, like, $6 a dozen (probably $1 each in today’s money), and you needed thousands. We couldn’t afford that, so we made ours by hand.”
— vibranttortoise122
11.“People used to decorate the bridal parties' cars with flowers made from Kleenex (they used to be in different colors).”
— luckyangel30
12.“Got married in 1989 when the trend was to wear pink wedding dresses and the groom would have his hair in a colored Mohawk.”
— 68 , New Mexico
13.“There may have been ‘destination’ weddings for the ridiculously wealthy, but destination engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties didn’t happen. People had a little more consideration for their guests’ budgets.”
— 73,New York
" finish weddings with multi - day itineraries — the time and disbursal ask is over - the - top . You’re asking guest to take multiple days off piece of work , shoulder the expense of farsighted - range , multi - day travel , and multiple formal and semi - schematic outfits for a multi - twenty-four hours ' jubilation of your love . ' Plus , multi - day bridal showers and engagement weekends ? Get over yourself . "
— 55 , California
14.“Fifty years ago, in 1974, we never sent out save-the-date cards. We just let people know by actually talking to them.”
" Also , my husband and I walk down the foresightful church service aisle together . I did n’t want anyone ' giving me out . ' "
— pastellight93
15.“I was never allowed to loosen my tie or remove my jacket unless the groom did it first. If the groom decided to keep things formal, you, as a guest, were also required to be formal. Only if the groom went informal by loosening or removing his tie or jacket were you allowed to follow suit.”
— 53 , Ohio
16.“Not so much a rule, but I miss getting a (guaranteed) slice of wedding cake at a wedding. Now, people do cupcakes, donuts, or any baked good that’s not a traditional wedding cake. I get that wedding cakes are expensive, but I can get a cupcake at any bakery (I can’t get a slice of wedding cake in the same way).”
— luckycloud901
17.“The biggest difference between weddings now and those 20–30 years ago is that weddings were much more laid back. No one cared what you wore to a wedding — even if someone wore white. The expectation was that you dressed nicely. It wasn’t a big deal because couples were just happy you came. If someone RSVP’d then couldn’t make it, there wouldn’t be any brides getting angry about it and posting it all over social media. Life happens. Nowadays, people get angry if a friend or family member gets married in the same year as them because it’s ‘their year.'”
" You have a wedding day , not a year . It was n’t a big great deal if someone get kids to a wedding . ( That materialise at mine , so we asked the DJ to play a few tiddler ' songs for them and just roll with it . ) Bachelorette parties were a Nox and not a trip , and when people could n’t come , they were n’t kicked out of the wedding party or friend chemical group . There are so many more regulation today . The etiquette back then was to RSVP on metre , dress up , be polite , and be grateful . These are things that the current wedding culture has pushed by . "
— 52 , USA
18.“Gifts were opened at the reception, which was not quite so much of a party.”
— 66 , Tennessee
19.“As a little girl growing up in the traditional South, it was considered ‘tacky’ if the bridesmaid’s shoes did not match the punch served at the reception. Who comes up with this stuff?”
— 46 , Georgia
20.“I got married in the ’80s in the UK. The norms were: Invites read something along the lines of ‘Mr. and Mrs. (names of bride’s parents) invite you to the wedding of their daughter X to Mr. Y;’ the guests included parents, friends, and all family members; the bride, groom, and parents greeted the guests at the entrance to the reception; there was a full meal included; and there were no favors or gifts on the tables.”
" Also , money was not asked for , and there was no nuptial cascade , but there was a single stag / hen night out , unremarkably the dark before the wedding — no weekend away with planned activities . "
— grumpyship541
And finally…
21.“I dont think it was a rule but more of a belief system. The wedding day was only the beginning of a lifetime. The day was less important than the days that followed. We were careful to make guests feel welcome and put our needs a little lower…to acknowledge the day wasn’t all about you. We were also careful not to spend more than you can afford. We got married on under $500.”
" We have good store of the day , and we have been together for 38 years . "
— 59 , Minnesota
observe : Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity .
