" I was marry for 17 years , and I care that I had sleep together my worth . I felt taken for deed over for much of the time . I was no more than a scholarship fund , a maid , and a James Cook . "
Warning : This berth contains reference of abuse .
1.“The loneliness. I had this fantasy that I would no longer be lonely once I was married. WRONG! In fact, loneliness during marriage is almost worse than the loneliness I’ve experienced since I dumped my horrible, mean, cheating husband. I almost married once more but came to my senses. I’ve been single for the past 34 years. I got a home repair guide and learned how to fix things myself, but my neighbor guys were also helpful. Be brave!”
" Lived in France . Lived in Italy . I do what I desire . check what I need . Eat when I want . I strip , or not , when I want . It ’s glorious!I’m fabulously glad these days . Not lonely at all!Got set of friends , women and men . If you ’re lonely , get a dog ! LOL . It ’s not well-situated ; you ask a inviolable spine and flavor . But I would n’t have it any other agency . "
— 72 , Oregon
2.“My ex kept a clean house and was an excellent cook. I was smitten and thought I had found my soulmate. However, the moment that ring was on my finger, I became his personal maid. I deeply resented his clothing strewn around the house because cleaning was ‘women’s work’ after the wedding.”
— mekent
3.“The hardest part about being married is becoming unmarried. Processing the loss of who I am or was as a wife and mother during and after the divorce has been the biggest thing I’ve had to endure. I thought my marriage was perfect; we never fought. I had dinner on the table. I smiled.”
" I had a severe metre figuring out my work - life balance but always tuned in to focalize on my family . I mourn who I thought I was and do n’t love who I am . "
— Anonymous , 48
4.“I am still friends with my ex, but we are on different pages for sure now — mainly related to responsibilities. And when you have children, you need to be on point and not leave more for the other; it’s been more than 15 years, and he still hasn’t gotten it together.”
— mindfulladynat
5.“Reflecting on my short-lived marriage, I’ve come to understand that one of the most challenging aspects of marriage is recognizing the signs of falling out of love. Towards the end of my relationship, I realized my happiness was tied to being apart from my partner. His emotional and mental impact on me was draining, leading me to the revelation that I am happier on my own.”
" This realization , often left unspoken , mark a substantial switching from a once passionate love to a sense of disdain . It ’s a gradual procedure that can be hard to encompass , particularly when set off by a profound treason , like have got a small fry out of wedlock while engaged , only to discover the truth month after marriage . The experience of falling out of making love has been both distressing and empowering for me . It has instigate a reassessment of my role in the marriage ceremony and a realisation that I do not want to emulate the moral force I witnessed in my parents ' relationship . While I envision matrimony in the future tense , I am immobile in my resolve not to tolerate any contempt . Now , as a woman who has walked away from that relationship , I can see how I inadvertently allowed certain behaviors to persist . I have gained a deeper savvy of myself , recognize that I deserve to be treat with respect and actual love life in any future relationship . "
— Anonymous , Florida
6.“We need to have healthy boundaries. Yes, we take vows. And yes, there are ups and downs in any marriage. Marriage is a day-to-day work in place. I was married for 17 years. I wish that I had been braver than I was. I wish that I had known my worth. I felt taken for granted for much of the time. I was no more than a scholarship fund, a maid, a cook, etc. Make sure you are making yourself happy in a marriage or leave with your dignity and conscience in place.”
" check that your wish and demand are being fulfilled . Be the master of your future . Never count on anyone but yourself . Be genial to yourself and others . Demand deference and forgivingness from others as well . Never tolerate vilification ! "
— 58 , Georgia
7.“No one tells you that marriage is not about love and that walking away is okay. I was married young, 24, and had been with my then-husband for eight years before we became engaged and married. No, he never hit me, he never cussed me out, but he did financially and emotionally abuse me. I dealt with that for six years, even going to therapy because I thought I was the problem. Then, one day, literally a week after our anniversary, I snapped and decided I was done.”
" No one tells you that when your married person is intentionally injure you in any means , they broke the vows first . I had stayed because I thought I was the problem when , really , it was him , too . "
— poeticsmoothie384
8.“I outgrew my first, 10-years-older husband, whom I married at age 19, by the time I was 29. He never grew up beyond his own extremely immature age of 29 when he met me. I did. We lost our first-born to a bacterial disease at age two. Then, we welcomed three more babies after. My ex completely abandoned us and never came home, while I felt like I was in child-rearing and full-time-work trenches.”
" Well ! He married his perfect , perfect queen the third time around ! A second - grade teacher with no tyke herself ! Truly a miracle — she upraise him from a baby to a male child to almost a piece now . He has become his child ’s HERO now . And whileI begrudge what he did so many years ago , I ca n’t argue about how happy my grown children are now . I ’m glad I did n’t ever blunder out out , ' But wait ! He abandoned us ! '
— beeegood
9.“I was married for 19 years of 22 together, and I’m now in a loving, supportive relationship for two years. The hardest part of any close relationship is accepting and communicating that you might not always be on the same page — even if your goals are the same. My ex and I used to let everything fester for days/weeks and sometimes never really talk about it. Then, we would have a blowup, and nothing would get solved.”
" Now , my young man and I have communicate what needs to happen when we are upset ; I postulate to go for a walk of life to sort my thoughts , and he needs to plunk into a project . We give ourselves a couple of hours to think , and then , we come together and blab out , not argue , and resolve or make a programme to dissolve . If it ’s penny-pinching to bedtime , we embrace , hold hands in bed , and agree to talk the next day . Advice : Do n’t peck , get defensive , or be strong-growing with your sentiment and expectation . Put yourself in the other person ’s horseshoe , treat them respectfully , like someone at work , and seek to realize . "
— sharpghost212
10.“I wish that my parents had told me to work out any problems we had and to talk freely without fooling around because the grass is not greener on the other side. I was married to a great guy, but he seemed uninterested in me — but he did a lot for me and us regarding household and outdoor chores. He was a cop and didn’t make enough money, and I was the breadwinner being a CPA. Well, I had an affair, and we ended up in a divorce. I fooled around with a married man, and he left his wife and children, and we started a new life.”
" We have two children and now , I ’m regretting it . My ex-wife bought the planetary house we buy together and has made an extension , and he remarry . My current married man is 71 , and I ’m 62 . We are still working , and my ex is 60 and has been retired for a while now . I believe his current married woman is younger than him . and she ’s also retired . From a reciprocal Quaker , I heard they move around every year and their daughter are talented , smart , and graduated college a year early . "
— 62 , Hawaii
11.“There will be hard times — it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. I learned not to ask everyone else what they’d do in XYZ situation. Don’t ask mom, your girlfriend group text, and especially not Facebook groups and your already divorced friends. When you’re having issues, grab your partner, turn your phones off, and talk!!! Or, go for a drive together, or whatever works for y’all, and just freaking talk: no games, no hints, no passive-aggressive BS. Be open, ask direct questions, and explain EXACTLY how you feel AND why. It will get you SO much further with men.”
" You ’re going to produce and interchange , particularly if you get married vernal — it ’s a lot of work , a lot of via media , and it ’s not easy . But if that ’s your person , you will figure it out if you do n’t let society get in the elbow room ! Also , there are no rash decisions . imagine about it . Sleep on it .
Signed , divorced , and remarried to the SAME man , approaching 16 years together . "
— 37 , Alabama
12.“When I first started dating my husband, he picked me up in all kinds of expensive exotic cars and took me to these fancy restaurants. He then took me on an awesome trip to Hawaii where he asked me to marry him, and I was so excited and said yes! It was a complete shocker when we returned; I found out that he painted cars for a living and he was broke. The fancy cars I thought he owned belonged to his customers at the paint shop he worked for.”
" I was really angry . Then , he leave me for another woman . In the end , he could n’t even afford nuptial reinforcement , if you’re able to trust that!Next time I get regard , I ’ll be sure to check fiscal records first . I wo n’t be taken advantage of ever again . It sucks so bad . "
— lovelychipmunk20
13.“I have been married for 20 years and finally divorced. The marriage left me traumatized, and I now suffer from anxiety. I look back and think about how I survived this horrible marriage. Nobody told me how to deal with this kind of person. My husband was all loving and hiding his true self for 10 years. There were lots of red flags, though, which I overlooked because I was busy with my career and the kids, only to realize after I was mentally affected, and my wellbeing was at risk.”
" There were band of Issues due to him not dealing with the preceding traumatic events of his biography . He was controlling , manipulated me for years , and treated me like a servant in surrogate of the female parent he never had . He want a female parent , not a married woman . 50 turn a loss my confidence altogether , and he would n’t let me impart as he have from retiring breakup issues he would n’t get over as a kid . I wish I had known about his preceding trauma before marrying him . It might have saved me a great plenty of stress that I had to endure after . "
— 49 , Australia
14.“That your partner will hold in inner childhood trauma throughout the whole relationship/marriage to the point of one day imploding. We have been together for 11 years in what I thought was a beautiful marriage. However, in the last year and a half, I noticed how my husband behaved distantly and was short with conversations. I kept on asking him if everything was okay, and he would always say, ‘Yeah, I’m fine, do his normal ‘I love yous,’ but his actions weren’t matching his words. He kept his feelings bottled up to the point that one day, when a death in a family occurred, it completely changed him. He began targeting me as an issue for everything in the past, and I sat there confused as to why he never told me how he felt at that time of the marriage. We are currently separated, he wants a divorce, and he has completely shut down and will not communicate with me.”
" Even when I strain to talk over our married couple , he stonewalls me to the point where I feel defeated because I love him so much . It ’s essential in marriage to tell your partner how you are feeling about something , rather than holding it in and not communicating because they either do n’t want to look like the sorry guy wire , they do n’t desire to look weakly for want something , or they are awful of being brush aside for their need . military man ( and others ) need to acquire to pass along feelings and needs . Marriage is a commitment , and couples need to be able to communicate within a wedlock to farm alongside each other effectively . Plus , it is very of import to identify each other ’s bond vogue and making love voice communication and continue see in with each other about their feelings . Everyone : Do not be afraid to tell your loved one how you feel . It ’s not a mansion of weakness but a sign of enduringness ! "
— 34 , Illinois
15."[Having different goals.] I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother with lots of kids. That was my dream, but my husband didn’t understand it. I was grateful that we had five beautiful kids together. However, due to shaky finances and my husband’s age and life choices, I ended up having to work one to two jobs the whole time, including when my oldest babies were just weeks old. At one point, my husband got laid off for a year and stayed home with our toddler, while I worked full-time while pregnant. It was the practical choice, but I am ashamed to say how jealous and resentful I was."
" He also need me to get a better - make up job while he moved toward retirement , so I gain my alumnus degree and interview for jobs out of state . Later that yr , I left my husband , and we divorced ; my mate got the mansion and all of his retreat , and I took on 80 % of the marital debt . I am now happily splice and still working two Job to yield the debt , but I now feel like I have a lawful partner who support my destination . I am still deplorable that I missed so much of my children ’s early yr puzzle out 40–70 hours a week because my husband refuse to look for a honorable job . "
— 44 , Florida
16.“The hardest part of being married to a man I was with for almost 30 years was ending it after 30 years of abuse. It was a difficult decision to make for myself and my children, but I couldn’t put up with the abuse any longer. My husband, I have come to realize, is a narcissist and groomed me at 19 to accept that his actions towards me were appropriate and/or that I was to be blamed for his wrongdoings — including physically attacking me, being verbally and emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, and financially abusive.”
" He is fighting the restraining order , violating them , and talks poorly about me to our children . His household , who I was very faithful with and knew about some of his behaviors , have forsake me . Now , I ’m in fiscal debt like never before , and my living situation is tenuous . He continues to ill-treat me through the courtyard organisation that prefer father who show an interest group in their children , even though they were abusive towards the mother in front of them . fuck when I should finally terminate a marriage and ending it is definitely the hardest part of marriage — but I know I ’ve done the skilful affair for myself and my child . I was always grateful I had only boys because I never wanted a daughter to believe that the way I was treated was how a fair sex , wife , partner , and female parent should be treated . It ’s a tenacious route , but I ’m happy for it — and I cherish the marvelous times we did have together . "
— 50 , California
And finally…
17.“The hardest point for me was the end. My entire life I watched my mom go from marriage to boyfriend to marriage and back again. I said to everyone when I got married, it would be for life. My ex was abusive and cheated on me, and I put up with it. He isolated me from my friends and family. Finally, one day, my daughter contacted me and said she wanted me to leave him, and I did. It took two weeks of planning and moving to a shelter seven hours and three states away, but we have been safe since 2015.”
" People do n’t realize how hard it is when you see meme about how marriages take two multitude , hard work , and not giving up — meme about divorce being a cop - out or a sin;things like that really mess up with your head when you are trying to decide if you want to forgive him for other woman , or the boozing , or the yelling , or the abuse . "
— Anonymous , 48
take note : Some responses have been edited for distance and/or uncloudedness .
